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I am so super bad about this whole blogging thing and such. Things have been crazy busy and hopefully are on their way to settling down! I feel like my head might explode with all the stuff in here so I'll be back soon to update/ blab about my life drama:)

Good thing there isn't a character limit..

I don't even know where to begin with so much that has changed in my life in the past year and a half. So,so much. Good, bad, ugly. But I'm glad it all happened. It definitely taught me some lessons about life and love and myself.

Here's my somewhat random rant.. But it's on my mind..

I've been with an amazing person who makes me the happiest girl on the planet (95% of the time) and who is everything that I've ever wanted to find and had not in all my other failed attempts at happily ever after. I spent the majority of this weekend with his family , him and his son. Say a year ago, I was having fun doing whatever I wanted - wanting what I have now, but not putting enough effort into anything or even knowing what it was I wanted besides the cute guy at the bar. I started doing the online dating thing on the side, and I met some nice people, rekindled a short term crush from high school, and met some looney toons as well. I had spoke with J for a brief amount of time before meeting someone who I thought was worthy of deleting my account , so I did. It did not go as planned.

So, what's a girl to do? Sign up again. At this point it'd been over a year without a significant relationship outside the numerous dates/ booty calls. I was ready to meet someone or at least be open to taking it seriously. I remember the day that J messaged me again. I was on a trip white water rafting with my girlfriends and we had just stopped to eat at Logan's. I remember I had been chit chatting with a few people but saw his message. I don't remember what it said, but I know the conversation went to how we had talked before, what happened,etc. we both said we had met people, deleted our accounts and when it didn't work, went on the prowl again. By the end of the night, we'd exchanged numbers and this started the beginning of it all. Texting all day turned into talking for hours on the phone. He was just so funny, and charming and easy to talk to. I could think of a million adjectives and not one could fully capture the feeling talking to him gave me.

It was a few weeks before we actually met. And every day drug on waiting for it to come. If its possible to know you're going to love someone before you even touched or smelled or kissed someone- I knew it. There was something about this guy that I was fascinated about.

I remember every detail of that date from the minute he picked me up until the second he walked out my door to go home. Although , when I think about it now, it's a huge blur. Only because I was so happy the whole time and dying for the next time id see him. So many times I, as I'm sure others have too- talked to someone, thought they were cool or what not, and you meet and BAM! you have no chemistry or they just.. Suck. This boy did not! I'm surprised I didn't scream at him " I love you" during that night.

Every since that day, he's had my heart . It's not always rainbows and sprinkles, but I choose him over and over again every day, because as cheesy as it is- he's that missing piece to my puzzle. The bad never outweighs the good. There is just absolutely too much good. He accepts me for my flaws, because lord, I am far from perfect. He loves me at my worst.

But, where I was going with this whole rant- I feel so blessed for what I have. I know I've had heartbreak and J surely has. I wouldn't wish any of it on him again. I would erase it all and let it all work ours if it would save him even an ounce of pain he's had to endure. But me, personally, I'd go through it all again, every broken heart,promise or dream to have him. It sounds ridiculous to most but I can't express the amount of joy he's brought into my life these past months. Even if it ended now, I'd do it all over again. I'm glad those things happened. I wouldn't have him or all the wonderful things that come with him- his son, his family, all of it.

I never believed in pre-destination. That our lives are mapped out before we even are born. I always wanted to think of life as one of the books that when you get to the end of the page you have two choices and each leads you to a different ending and path. Maybe it's pre- destined, maybe we have options. I know for sure that God did not throw him together for me on a whim though. But if he did, kudos to him, because he gave me one of the biggest blessings in my life.